I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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