did you get engaged???
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
