I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do vagina's smell?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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