You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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