Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
