dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
