Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
