someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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