Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
