don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
