you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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