hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
