i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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