So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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