i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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