i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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