Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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