He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
