it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
