His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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