She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
