At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
