the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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