So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
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Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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