I want to stick my p in your. b.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
