I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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