Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
