I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
