Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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