I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You smell like a Billy Joel song
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
