Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
