I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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