i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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