I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
