i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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