his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
