im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she told me i tasted like america
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
