census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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