Sorry, I don't speak sober.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
