This is not my ceiling
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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