How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
