My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
