Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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