The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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