Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
