It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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