You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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