I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
