did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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