What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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