Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
