all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
