So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
