I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
