Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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