so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
