mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
