I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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