he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
