So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
