Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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