And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
