coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
