I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
