so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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