we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
