We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
