that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
