Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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