filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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