Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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