i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
