Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
