Don't you send me to vm
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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