I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
